Starting Line
06.28.04 | 12:35 a.m.
Mood: VERY tired
Music: - none -
What's with everyone crowding my diary these days? LOL!!! Ahah, just kidding!
Erin (I love your name by the way, LOL), the world isn't simply black and white. I'm not contradicting myself 'cause I never actually said I hated my parents.
You don't have to simply love one thing in the world, but only hate another. Yes, you'll always have one feeling for something overall, but as different situations come and go, your feelings change as well.
Maybe sometimes I don't feel like loving my family and/or friends, but overall, in general, I'll always have some sort of admiration for them. Maybe I don't show that quite as well as other people can, but that was never one of my strengths.
Yes, I've said a lot of bad things about a lot of people and they've said a lot of things in return. But in the end, we still forgave each other and had gotten over it.
The deal that Vicky had mentioned about Steph and I was long gone. We've passed by our differences and now we're practically sisters.
Maybe I've never quite mentioned that in this diary as well, but as I've said, I really don't paste my whole life up here.
Yeah, I do basically put up an entry like almost everyday, but that doesn't mean I have to write about EVERYTHING.
Maybe it seems like most of my diary consists of only the bad things I say about people, but that's probably because I use this diary to vent out my feelings.
Whenever I'm in a bitchy mood, or whatever you want to call it, I never feel like talking to anybody who can respond back. That's probably why I put a lot of my thoughts up here whenever I'm in a bad mood.
I never talk much about all the happier moments, probably because whenever I'm happy, I'm actually surrounded by the people I love and who love me back. To vent out my good emotions then, I just have to talk to them and have fun and laugh.
I don't need a diary for that. My diary can't laugh at any jokes that anyone makes and cheer anyone up into a smile. But it can always be there for anyone to just talk to whenever they want a neutral friend.
And about the whole cutting thing. I gave up two years ago when I actually realized that there was hope for me in this world.
The one hour cutting thing a few days ago was me just in the swing of things. I guess I didn't really realize what I was doing until after I did it.
To anyone who worried, fussed or screamed at me because of that, I'm sorry for causing that of you.
I've given up cutting for real this time, and I intend to keep it this way.
People have done a lot worse than cut, people have said a lot worse than what I have said. But just because they've done a lot worse than I have, that doesn't make me any better than they are.
I never had this diary two years ago when I was still cutting; I blankly remember my thoughts back then.
None of you knew what my life was like two years ago, I never mentioned that even once in this diary since I want to keep old things locked up in the past.
I only talked about the cutting thing only because someone had asked it of me.
I keep this diary not because I want others to read it just so I can grab more attention, I keep this diary so I could keep a record of my own feelings.
I made this diary public, only because a couple friends had requested it to be. They thought I had good points on something or rather. -_-;;
Vicky, next time you try to help out others like this, know that they respect for you trying to help them, but DO try to be a bit nicer about it.
Going "WTF?! What the hell is wrong with you?! Holy shit..." as a first line isn't going to help keep their interest.
If you're nice enough to want to help them in the first place, then God bless you. But please try to work on your opening line.
And last to Erin, thanks for posting in my guestbook and also thank-you for being more understanding.
I know you'll probably disagree with a lot of things I've said in this entry, but I think that you're the only who's helped the most so far in my gBook. Thank-you for that.
P.S. I still love your name! ^^;;
~ whenDee